The Art of the Handjob

I'm continuing to collect things I wrote in other places that are relevant here. In this case, I was asked to explain what I mean by "giving a great handjob." (I'm going to describe giving one to a man, but the setup is similar and there's a link at the end to more detailed instructions for women.)

For starters, I strongly recommend three things:

LUBE:  Coconut oil is best, but any good vegetable oil will do. Warm the oil up before you start, and slowly, lovingly rub it onto the whole area, including his scrotum, his perineum (taint), his ass if there's going to be any assplay, and the upper inside part of his thighs. Relube as often as necessary.

POSITION:  You need to have mobility and you need to be able to use both hands and your mouth. You can't give a good handie with just one hand, so sitting or lying next to him and reaching across into his lap won't cut it. Get him up on a sturdy desk or table so you can stand between his legs or next to one hip. (A massage table is ideal for this, and you can get a good folding table from Amazon for under $90.) Lacking that, get him flat or leaning back where you can kneel beside him or between his legs.

TIME:  A deluxe handjob takes time, so save it for when you have time to make it a luxurious experience. One big problem with the classic bj is stamina. Jaw pain, neck pain, and sheer boredom put a limit on many givers' endurance. If your position is good, handjobs avoid those problems and let you go much longer. And you WANT to go longer, because one of the biggest advantages of a good handjob is that you can "edge" your guy repeatedly, bringing him almost to the brink of orgasm again and again. Besides the sheer fun of making him gasp and moan, this makes his orgasm MUCH bigger and more intense when you finally bring him over the edge!

As for technique, there are dozens of different strokes you can experiment with, using both hands and sometimes your lips and tongue. (Just as you can use your hands during a BJ, you can use your mouth during a handjob. The main difference is the emphasis.)

What all the different techniques have in common is that they do not involve any stroking with a fisted grip except – maybe! – at the end. Most men are conditioned to be extra sensitive when the penis is fully enclosed and moving inside in a warm, moist tube, so don't do that until you're ready to make him come. Besides, he can do that better than you can, so it's better to focus on things he can't do for himself!

Just a few examples of things you can try:

Polish the pickle:  Use your off hand to hold the penis upright while pulling downward on the skin of the shaft. Hold your main hand open with fingers extended and use the flat of the hand to rub the head with a polishing motion, changing angles to "polish" all different sides and the top.

Capper:  Same starting position, but extend your thumb and fingers downward, grasp the head like you're grasping a screw-on bottlecap, and rotate back and forth like you're screwing that cap on and off. More pressure twists the head itself; less pressure moves the fingers around the head, creating nice friction on the corona.

Firestarter:  Sandwich the vertical penis between your palms and rub your hands rapidly in opposite directions, like you are trying to start a fire by twirling a stick. Slowly raise and lower your hands.

Long stroke:  If you are between his legs, use both thumbs to stroke firmly from the very base of the perineum (just above the anus) up the root of the penis and between the balls, to a point about a third of the way or halfway up the shaft. If you curl your hands and let the backs of your fingers rest naturally ahead of your thumbs, you can let your fingers deliver a lighter caress up the whole length of the shaft at the same time.

Long stroke from the side:  If you are positioned at your partner’s side, use the three middle fingers of one hand to deliver the same very firm stroke, starting at the rear, and going part way up the shaft. Let the base of the palm and the flat of your hand precede the fingers, delivering the softer part of the stroke. This stroke can be especially helpful if the man needs help getting a full erection, as it moves blood up from the base area into the penis.

Flat stroking:  Let the penis rest on his belly and use a rapid hand-over-hand stroke with the flats of your hands to stroke upward or downward along the shaft. Vary the pressure and speed – light and fast, slow and very firm, and back again.

Teasing:  Bring the backs of your nails up his inner thighs to his crotch. Then ring his scrotum with the thumb and finger of one hand and draw his balls downward while running the backs of the nails of the other hand up the shaft.

Headrubs:  Grasp the shaft firmly with both hands and use your thumbs to rub from just below the frenulum up, over, and around the head. Licks and sucks go well with this too!

The Squeeze:  Whenever you see his scrotum tighten up, pulling his balls up to the base of his cock, or he seems for other reasons to be getting too close to the "point of no return," immediately stop what you're doing. Use one hand to gently stretch his scrotum, pulling his balls away from his body. At the same time, use the other hand to grip the head and upper part of the shaft and squeeze as much of the blood out of it as you can. Kiss him, or brush your hair over his face and chest, or whisper something silly in his ear to distract him while you're squeezing. Hold it for 30 seconds without moving your hand, and then shift your attention to other parts of his body (thighs, butt, chest, nipples, lips, or even feet) for another 30-60 seconds. This will reset his arousal level down significantly, allowing you to continue.

There are many other possibilities. Part of the fun is being creative and experimenting and finding out what feels best for him. For tips, see the links below, or google "how to give a handjob" for literally hundreds of articles and videos.

Vary the rubs, strokes, twists, taps, tugs, licks, sucks, and tickles as much as you can. Until you are ready to end it, you don't want to settle into a steady rhythm or stick with any one thing too long. Mix in intermittent oral whenever it's appropriate. Ditto for anal play if he's okay with it.

One game that you can do with handjobs that usually isn't practical with BJs is challenging your guy to "see how long you can last without coming." By using The Squeeze at regular intervals, you can make even a "Minuteman" last half an hour or more. You're helping him increase his stamina at the same time that you're learning all the sneaky ways to increase stimulation when you're ready to "win"! :)

(If you are doing this specifically to help your guy with PE, see this article for more precise instructions:  The Best Ways to Control Premature Ejaculation.)

For women, one advantage of giving handjobs is that it gives you the chance to really learn about all of the male anatomy, including the different things that work well and feel good on the head, corona, frenulum, shaft, scrotum, balls, and perineum. (See Better Sex 101 and scroll down for help with the anatomy.) Men vary quite a lot in their sensitivity in different places, so you will also learn much more about your own partner's particular levels of sensitivity.

In tantra, we incorporate a deluxe handjob into what is typically a 40-60 minute full-body tantric massage. For more ideas, there's a series of seven posts on what we call "lingam massage" (for guys) starting here:  Giving a Lingam Massage.

The matching five-part series on "yoni massage" for women starts here:  Giving a Yoni Massage.

And if you're interested in learning more about tantric sex, there's a complete instruction manual online, starting here:  Extraordinary Passion: The Art and Science of Modern Tantric Sex.

Enjoy!

Edit:  For a male perspective, read this too:  HJ's – the final frontier!