Thursday, October 17, 2013

Giving a Yoni Massage

                 [This is the first in a series of five posts on yoni massage]

Okay, the women have been working hard, so its time for them to relax and for you men to take over! However, before you start, here’s another reminder to be sure your fingernails are short and smooth and that you have no hangnails or rough calluses on your hands before you begin any Tantra session. Touch is critical to Tantra, and your hands are supremely important. You want them to give pleasure, not pain!

The overall pattern of yoni massage is the same as for lingam massage, but there are some crucial adjustments that guys need to make. First, and most obvious, the vulva is generally less accessible than the male genitals, creating some positioning issues. Right at the start, you have the problem that it is mostly hidden in the face down position. Some couples like to put a pillow or bolster under the towel in the pelvic/abdominal region, just to lift her hips up a bit so you can slip your hand underneath. However, most women prefer to have their partner concentrate more on the buttocks and thighs and basically leave the yoni alone until the flipover point.

Transition Fun

At the end of the facedown massage, have her scoot backward to the foot of the table and kneel in an upright position. Stand behind her and lean forward a bit so her back is nestled against your chest. Enfold her in your arms and cup her breasts with your hands. Kiss her neck, nuzzle her ears, take a moment to enjoy the hug, and then massage her breasts. Many women prefer having their breasts fondled while in this position, and enjoy it less when they are lying on their backs. However, that’s not universally true, so try it both ways and check with her later.

When you feel she is ready to move on, encourage her to lean forward, resting her forehead and forearms on the table and raising her rear end up, with the knees somewhat apart. Start by massaging her buttocks, hips, and thighs, gradually mixing in increased attention to the vulva. This is an excellent position for massaging the perineum and the outer labia. As you massage them, she can rock a little bit backward or forward, pushing more or less against your hands, communicating the exact amount of pressure she likes at different parts of the stroke. Use plenty of oil or lube, keep your strokes slow and firm, and limit them to the perineum and external labia unless she tells you otherwise. Most women find that having fingers probing the clit or vaginal opening at this stage is intrusive and breaks their concentration.

When she has had as much as she wants of this transition phase, have her slide forward again so she's near the head of the table when she turns over. Take your time with her face, neck, shoulders, arms, hands, and breasts, while making frequent short side trips to massage her vulva. Limit your touch to the outside of the vulva for now, and be sure to s-l-i-d-e your hand into position. Lifting your hand up from some other location and landing it on her crotch can startle her right out of her attempts at meditation and control, so, please, no airborne surprise attacks!

As you work down her side and legs and back up the other side, these side trips to the vulva can get a bit firmer and more vigorous, particularly as you are massaging the upper part of the thighs. As always, let her response be your guide.

Positions for Yoni Massage

As before, you have the option of moving to the mat at this point, if you have one and if you are comfortable kneeling for long periods. Or you can try some other positions. I was actually surprised at the number of different positions used by the couples I interviewed. Here are some examples:
  • The man kneels between the woman’s legs.
  • The man kneels between the woman’s legs and pulls her buttocks up onto his knees or thighs, or onto a cushion between his knees.
  • The man sits cross-legged or with legs outstretched; the woman’s butt rests between his thighs (optionally on a cushion) with her knees apart and her feet behind him.
  • The man sits on a chair with his knees touching the side of the bed; the woman sits on his lap straddling him and then lies back so that her head and upper body are resting on the bed.
  • The woman lies on the table with her butt near one end and her knees pulled up to her chest; the man sits or stands at the end of the table.
  • Same as above, but the woman rests her ankles or calves on the man’s shoulders.
  • The man sits straddling the table; the woman lies in front of him with her thighs over his thighs and her feet behind him.
  • The woman lies on the table with her knees raised and her feet flat on the table; the man stands to one side.
  • Same as above, but with the woman’s legs and feet spread and extended normally.
I asked the women why they preferred the positions they did and got a mix of answers. The most obvious explanations had to do with physical limitations and the differing proportions of different people’s bodies, but there were also two somewhat contradictory themes. Women who preferred being on a table and having the man to one side made a negative connection between the man-between-the-legs positions and a gynecology exam. On the other hand, the women who preferred being on the mat or table with the man positioned between their legs said that that position gave him the best access; they still joked about it being like an Ob-Gyn exam, but didn’t mind because it simply felt better when they did it that way.

Several woman specifically mentioned that raising their knees and moving them wide apart, but keeping the feet together, forced their butt cheeks together, closing off access to the anal area, perineum, and vaginal opening, so they rejected all of the positions in which the woman’s knees were rotated outward. With that as a clue, I looked back through the interviews, and it appears that this is mainly a question of build: in general, women who are average or heavier than average in build are a lot less likely to favor a position in which the knees are far apart and the feet are close together. In the third position above, for example, your partner’s feet should be behind you and somewhat apart, not crossed or touching each other behind your butt.

Many women have also found that having their knees spread very wide apart inhibits orgasm. This can be a good thing at certain points in the massage.  If she has the flexibility to do this, she can shift her legs farther apart if she needs to slow things down. But when she’s ready to climax, she should bring her thighs as close together as your position and your need for access allow.

To the best of my knowledge, the diversity of positions preferred by this group of couples doesn’t show up in any of the standard Tantra books or websites. I’ve included the descriptions here to let you know that if you have trouble with one position, you’re not alone, and there are plenty of other positions you can try.

I’ve tried all the variations myself, but I confess that I still prefer the third one and the last one, the only two my partner and I had tried before I started the interviews. For simplicity, I do suggest that you start with one of those two positions unless you find that they create problems for you. You can worry about finding the position that is just right for you after you are old hands at Tantra!

Now that we’ve dealt with basic geometry, we need to deal with a much more important issue: figuring out your partner’s orgasmic curve.

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