If you’ve been reading along with the last few posts, you now understand why the recipient of a yoni (vulva) or lingam (penis) massage needs to be able to get into a deep meditative state and concentrate their attention on the sensations coming from a gradually increasing area of the body. By now, I also hope you have had time to practice your couple meditations and to get very comfortable with giving and getting a head-to-toe sensual massage.
Note: I’m going to describe giving lingam (male) and yoni (female) massages separately. This series of posts is about lingam massage (or “lingam worship,” as it is often called in the jargon of Tantra), so I’ll be speaking directly to the man’s partner. I’m also going to assume that you have a massage table. If you don’t, it will require more effort to move around, but it should be fairly easy to figure out how to adapt these instructions to your own situation.
When you are confident about your massage technique and your partner is so comfortable with your touch that he can actually meditate while being massaged, it’s time to take that massage to the next step.
Face DownBegin as you did before. Bathe and meditate together and do a standing hug before moving to the table. If he forgets, remind him to tuck his penis so it’s pointing downward when he lies down on the table. Start your massage in the same way, but this time when you do the first buttock and thigh massage, nudge his legs apart and gently rub his balls and the head and shaft of his penis.
Something to try: pinch the scrotum carefully between the balls, tug it rearward, and lift it upward with your “upper” hand (the one closer to his chest). Grip the head of the penis gently with your other hand and stretch the penis, and then run your fingertips down the shaft, along the frenulum and the corona, and over the tip.
Repeat these steps when you move up on the other side after finishing his feet and the backs of his legs.
Some men are uncomfortable if they get a full erection with the penis in that position, so calibrate your attentions to get things started, but not all the way to a full erection before you finish the back massage.
Transition FunSeveral couples described, and my partner enthusiastically recommends, an optional step that allows for a little more lingam love during the turnover. If you want to try this, have him slide backward toward the foot of the table until his feet are at or just off the end, and continue by raising his butt up and back over his ankles. He should end up in a kneeling position, with his head down, his butt up, and his knees fairly wide apart, leaving his penis and testicles dangling in mid-air above the end of the table where it is easy for you to caress them.
This is an especially good position for massaging the perineum and testicles (very gently!) and the root of the penis, while also massaging the buttocks, a combination that many men find divine. Try firm strokes going from the back of the perineum up along the underside of the shaft. Also try making a ring around his scrotum with the thumb and forefinger of one hand and tugging gently backward on the balls while running the backs of your fingernails along the underside of his penis with the other.
Remember to go slow, as always, with any direct stimulation. In this case, a good rule of thumb, at least until you get to know his response curve, is to spend at least as much time on the butt muscles as on the more sensitive bits, spend considerably more time on the perineum and testicles than on the penis itself, and avoid the head of the penis entirely at this stage.
The first few times you do this, it is probably better to limit it to just a minute or two. With experience, your partner should be able to tell you how long you can continue without seriously interfering with his control. Some guys like to go almost all the way up to the verge of an orgasm in this position, and then use the physical distraction of turning over and getting an upper body massage as part of the process of coming back from the brink. Others will need to be much more conservative. You can only learn this from experience.
After the flip, proceed as before with the front massage, but feel free to slide a hand down and give his lingam some extra strokes while doing his arms and hands. Incorporate a lot more lingam massage as you do his sides and belly and legs. The idea is to provide moderate levels of genital stimulation for brief periods, and then work on other parts for a while, and repeat.
Each couple will evolve their own patterns for extending the lingam massage, but as a very general guide, you should provide enough stimulation so your partner has a partial erection before the flip, transitioning to a full erection soon after the flip, and then maintains a moderate level of arousal through the front massage.
The Lingam MassageWhen you have finished massaging his legs and feet, you have the option of asking him to move to the mat, if you have one and if you prefer to kneel between his legs. Alternatively, you can continue the massage while standing to one side of the table or you can kneel on the table between his legs. Check the weight rating for your table first, but most are easily strong enough unless both of you are really heavy.
A third position several couples favor is with you sitting astride the table just below your partner’s butt, with your feet dangling down on either side. His legs go up over your thighs, with his feet resting on the table behind you. Unfortunately, you have to be tall or unusually limber, or both, to make this work on a normal massage table. Ours is 27” wide, and even though I'm pretty limber, I'm short and that is just too wide for me to straddle comfortably.
A fourth position is similar. Your partner raises his legs straight up and you sit as close as you can, straddling his butt with your legs. Generally this works best if your knees are rotated outward and your feet are on either side of his waist or chest. A pillow or small cushion under his hips may help you sit closer to him. He then lowers his legs so his thighs are resting on yours and his feet are behind you. (If you do this on a mat, you can position the mat along a wall and put some pillows between yourself and the wall for back support.)
Keep in mind as you proceed that he is trying to maintain a meditative frame of mind and is trying to focus his attention away from the direct genital stimulation. You can make that a lot harder to do if your actions are abrupt or overly forceful. When you extend your hand to stroke his genitals, don’t lift it up and thump it down! Always maintain skin contact and slide your hand up his thigh or down his belly so he knows it’s coming.
Most of the couples I talked to figured out on their own what kinds of massage work best, but there are some good books and videos available. However, you probably don’t need them, especially if you are communicating well. Just experiment and talk about what feels good.
Remember to mix it up! A lot of variety is better than any repetition that goes on for more than a few strokes, no matter how good it feels. And the one stroke you definitely want to avoid is the kind of up-and-down push with a fisted grip that mimics the normal male masturbation stroke.
I’ll address the whole question of managing his level of arousal in greater depth in tomorrow’s post!