[fourth of five posts on male multiple orgasms, starting here]
By the time they are 50 or 60, most men will have experienced a "dry" orgasm that just happens for no apparent reason. They have the feeling of an orgasm and the throbbing sensation in their penis, but the contractions don't produce any semen. It also doesn't necessarily end in a lost erection, but the man may stop thrusting out of habit because it feels like he's finished, and he may or may not notice that his erection takes longer to fade away, or that he could have continued. If it happens during PIV, he may not even notice that he hasn't ejaculated.
One plausible conjecture is that the man has done something, or had some random thought, that distracted him just as the orgasm was unfolding and it caused his brain to skip a step, the signal to the glands to discharge their ingredients into the urethra. (This is our natural model for the intentional NEO.)
Natural NEOs are full strength, but there are two other kinds of weaker nonstandard orgasms, which we call "foreshocks" and "aftershocks," that many men experience at least occasionally during the lead up to a full orgasm or in the immediate aftermath of one.
As I mentioned in an earlier post, an aftershock can be a second ejaculation, but that’s rare. It’s almost always a dry or mostly dry orgasm that can occur with continued stimulation of the penis in the aftermath of an ejaculatory orgasm.
Aftershocks
An aftershock can occasionally happen during vaginal sex if the penis stays firm enough to support additional thrusting and, especially, if the woman is having a powerful continuous orgasm with intense contractions and a lot of vocalization and pelvic movement. The desire to help her continue her orgasm is often the motivation for continued thrusting even as the penis gets softer, and the exchange of reinforcing signals between the two partners can often provide a great deal of non-physical stimulation, particularly with a couple who are deeply connected and aware of each other’s reactions and sensations.
However, aftershocks are more likely to occur during a lingam massage. In fact, this is probably the most common circumstance for Tantric males to experience them, since their partners can easily learn how to effectively stimulate the penis even as it grows softer.
Some men report that aftershocks sometimes or often feel as if they are straining to push out the very last drop of semen. That is, they have urethral contractions even though there is little or no semen to expel.
It is worth paying special attention to any aftershock like this that includes this feeling of ejaculatory pumping, but produces little or no fluid. This is a pure non-ejaculatory orgasm (NEO), and learning what it feels like can be helpful in learning to trigger a NEO intentionally before having an EO.
There’s another connection with aging. These three men (aged 63, 65, and 70) all had at least some experience with “natural” NEOs that were not followed by an EO. These were not intentional NEOs. In fact, these men often didn’t realize that they were having a “dry” orgasm until their partners commented on the lack of semen during the cleanup afterward, and none of them felt unsatisfied or unfinished as a result. But these natural NEOs do seem to be related to how much time has passed since a previous ejaculation.
ED drugs (especially the injectables) greatly increase the likelihood that this will happen, by enabling the older man to have a full erection much sooner after a previous ejaculation, and therefore encouraging him to have an orgasm before he is ready for another ejaculation.
The volume of semen tends to decline with age. One effect of this reduction is that older men are less likely to say that NEOs are less enjoyable than EOs. Young men usually report getting pleasure from the large pulse of semen being forcefully expelled during ejaculation, and they miss this during an NEO. Over time, however, the volume of semen and the force of ejaculation both decline, so ejaculation becomes a less important part of the overall pleasure in the act.
At the same time, older men seem to be more likely to report increased pleasure from the tactile stimulation of the penis, probably because they usually take longer to become aroused and take longer to reach orgasm, so there is simply longer for more intense sensations to build up. While the two may roughly balance out for normal orgasms, the balance shifts toward greater pleasure (or less of a reduction in pleasure) from NEOs as men get older.
Take the case one of my interviewees described. When he was 17, his normal refractory period was around 5 to 10 minutes. He and his girlfriend had sex five times in a little over an hour. Each time he ejaculated, he lost his erection and he and his partner switched to oral sex, first for her and then for him, and then back to vaginal sex as he recovered. Each time, it took longer for him to reach orgasm.
After four ejaculations and four recovery intervals, the fifth episode of vaginal sex went on so long that his girlfriend got sore. She switched back to oral sex to bring him to completion. This orgasm was strong, but entirely non-ejaculatory, and this time he did not lose his erection. He wanted to continue, but his girlfriend refused. After she left, he tried to masturbate to completion and finally had another dry orgasm. Afraid that he was doing harm to himself, he then stopped, and was relieved to find everything back in working order again the next day.
As these events indicate, this can work, but it isn’t the most practical or useful way to become multi-orgasmic. Nevertheless, it does suggest that, especially for men who are long out of their teens, it may be easier to experience an NEO for the first time by deliberately practicing masturbation exercises right after an extended sexual encounter.
If you are practicing the Kegel clenches described in my next post, the best time to do it may be immediately after sex, especially Tantric sex. Just experiencing an NEO can be a big help in learning how to block ejaculation, because it teaches you what it feels like to have on orgasm without the ejaculation, so you know what you’re aiming for.
Some men report that aftershocks sometimes or often feel as if they are straining to push out the very last drop of semen. That is, they have urethral contractions even though there is little or no semen to expel.
It is worth paying special attention to any aftershock like this that includes this feeling of ejaculatory pumping, but produces little or no fluid. This is a pure non-ejaculatory orgasm (NEO), and learning what it feels like can be helpful in learning to trigger a NEO intentionally before having an EO.
Foreshocks
Foreshocks are basically small natural NEOs, not triggered by a kegel. They are usually weaker than a full NEO or EO. Often, men who experience a foreshock are edging or being edged with a start-stop technique, repeatedly pausing stimulation to hold off ejaculation. This can trigger a foreshock, a low-intensity NEO that is more of a tingle or mild electric shock sensation, usually with some weak contractions. But unless the man or his partner immediately backs off on the level of stimulation, he will almost immediately have another foreshock or an ejaculatory orgasm. If they do this several times, each foreshock will usually be more intense, until normal ejaculation occurs.However, stop-start edging is not the only situation in which foreshocks occur. Some men experience foreshocks naturally after a very prolonged arousal period. If my partner and I extend his lingam massage for more than around 30 minutes, he will occasionally have two or three foreshocks of gradually increasing intensity before having an intense full-body orgasm. These foreshocks do not require kegels and usually do not involve the discharge of much, if any, seminal fluid.
True NEOs, in addition to being stronger than foreshocks, will be separated from each other by a longer period, a distinct interval with a drop and rise in arousal level that lasts at least a minute and can take 5 minutes or more. By contrast, a sequence of 2 or 3 foreshocks followed shortly by a full orgasm can take as little as 30-60 seconds, with no drop in arousal, only a continuing increase.
A series of foreshocks seems to be the closest most men can come to the female continuous orgasm, or "status orgasmus," which is a series of mild to moderate orgasms that happen so close together they feel like overlapping waves. The male experience can seem even more like that if the main ejaculatory orgasm is followed by several aftershocks as well, which is quite common. (See Alan’s description here.) Unfortunately, I don’t know of any way to learn to do this except for what I have already described for learning Tantra with your partner. As you get really good at extending the arousal pattern, this may happen … or it may not.
Age and Natural Dry Orgasms
Or it may not happen for years, and then start happening as you get older. I don’t know whether the connection is with age, per se, or years of experience with Tantra, or some combination of both, but in my very non-random sample it seems to be more common among men older than 40. I interviewed three men who were older than 60 and all three of them reported that it happened at least occasionally for them.There’s another connection with aging. These three men (aged 63, 65, and 70) all had at least some experience with “natural” NEOs that were not followed by an EO. These were not intentional NEOs. In fact, these men often didn’t realize that they were having a “dry” orgasm until their partners commented on the lack of semen during the cleanup afterward, and none of them felt unsatisfied or unfinished as a result. But these natural NEOs do seem to be related to how much time has passed since a previous ejaculation.
ED drugs (especially the injectables) greatly increase the likelihood that this will happen, by enabling the older man to have a full erection much sooner after a previous ejaculation, and therefore encouraging him to have an orgasm before he is ready for another ejaculation.
The volume of semen tends to decline with age. One effect of this reduction is that older men are less likely to say that NEOs are less enjoyable than EOs. Young men usually report getting pleasure from the large pulse of semen being forcefully expelled during ejaculation, and they miss this during an NEO. Over time, however, the volume of semen and the force of ejaculation both decline, so ejaculation becomes a less important part of the overall pleasure in the act.
At the same time, older men seem to be more likely to report increased pleasure from the tactile stimulation of the penis, probably because they usually take longer to become aroused and take longer to reach orgasm, so there is simply longer for more intense sensations to build up. While the two may roughly balance out for normal orgasms, the balance shifts toward greater pleasure (or less of a reduction in pleasure) from NEOs as men get older.
Dry Orgasms and Younger Men
This leads to the possibility that even much younger men can also have NEOs by pushing the pace and, indeed, young men who have a lot of normal orgasms in a very short period may also report experiencing “dry” orgasms.Take the case one of my interviewees described. When he was 17, his normal refractory period was around 5 to 10 minutes. He and his girlfriend had sex five times in a little over an hour. Each time he ejaculated, he lost his erection and he and his partner switched to oral sex, first for her and then for him, and then back to vaginal sex as he recovered. Each time, it took longer for him to reach orgasm.
After four ejaculations and four recovery intervals, the fifth episode of vaginal sex went on so long that his girlfriend got sore. She switched back to oral sex to bring him to completion. This orgasm was strong, but entirely non-ejaculatory, and this time he did not lose his erection. He wanted to continue, but his girlfriend refused. After she left, he tried to masturbate to completion and finally had another dry orgasm. Afraid that he was doing harm to himself, he then stopped, and was relieved to find everything back in working order again the next day.
As these events indicate, this can work, but it isn’t the most practical or useful way to become multi-orgasmic. Nevertheless, it does suggest that, especially for men who are long out of their teens, it may be easier to experience an NEO for the first time by deliberately practicing masturbation exercises right after an extended sexual encounter.
If you are practicing the Kegel clenches described in my next post, the best time to do it may be immediately after sex, especially Tantric sex. Just experiencing an NEO can be a big help in learning how to block ejaculation, because it teaches you what it feels like to have on orgasm without the ejaculation, so you know what you’re aiming for.
Pc clenches redirect the semen into the bladder. Is that recommended?
ReplyDeleteIf that happens, you're clenching too late. But even when you do clench too late, few men have the strength in these muscles to actually block a forceful ejaculation and force the semen to go backward into the bladder.
DeleteRetrograde ejaculation is usually caused by using your fingers to press against your urethra and pinch it closed before and during ejaculation. That is recommended in some Daoist books, but it's dangerous. Don't do it!