Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Multiple Orgasms for Women

Having one orgasm is great. Having many is even better!

Your motivation can be as simple as that, and for most women it is. Fortunately, for most of us, once you’ve learned how to have one orgasm, there’s no special trick to having multiple orgasms. Just keep going!

You may need to give your clit a rest during and for a short period immediately after each orgasm. The interval varies a lot from woman to woman, from zero to 45 seconds or so. Five to fifteen seconds is fairly normal, but some women do need more time and a very rare few just can’t stand to be touched for 5 or 10 minutes or even longer after an orgasm. Assuming you aren't in that unfortunate sisterhood, if you resume (or have your partner resume) providing as much stimulation as you can stand as soon as you can after the end of one orgasm, more good things generally lie ahead.

It can help you keep your arousal level from dropping too fast if you have other, less direct and less intense, forms of stimulation going on during the interval. It’s fairly common, for example, for a woman to want her partner to avoid her clit, while still massaging her outer labia and still providing internal pressure until the orgasm ends and for 5 or 10 seconds afterward.

Unlike men, women come down fairly gradually from a high level of arousal after an orgasm, which means that it is relatively easy for us to ramp back up again. Even if you have a high threshold and have to climb a long way to get to that first peak, getting to the second one only requires a shallow dip down and back up. The dip and return can take anywhere from a few seconds to several minutes.

When the dips last only a few seconds, most of us describe this as a continuous or extended orgasm because it’s so hard to tell when one stops and the next one starts. With a skillful and patient partner or a good vibrator, this can go on for a very long time. The record for a woman is an extraordinary 134 orgasms in an hour, which is one orgasm every 27 seconds. Since a single female orgasm generally takes 15 to 25 seconds, with an average of about 21 seconds, the average time between waves of contractions was probably about 6 seconds.

(Incidentally, this was in a laboratory setting, using recorded data on the subject’s heart rate, respiration, and involuntary muscle contractions to determine the individual orgasms, since there would have been no way for the subject herself to keep count. From her point of view, each wave merged into the next, and it felt like one, continuous, hour-long orgasm.)

The biggest factor in whether women are multi-orgasmic is just whether they are able to become deeply relaxed during sex and whether they are willing to allow themselves to have the experience. All of the women I interviewed, even those who had never had a single orgasm with a partner before learning Tantra, have experienced not just one orgasm, but great gaggles of orgasms during Tantric sex. In most cases, this ability has also carried over, to a somewhat lesser extent, to non-Tantric sex with the same partner.


However, my interviews did turn up one oddity: six of the women said they had trouble having an orgasm during vaginal sex unless they could hear and feel their partner having an orgasm.  I call this an oddity because I’d never heard of it before and even since I became aware of it, I still haven’t seen any published references to it.  But if it occurs that often in a fairly small sample, it’s probably not actually rare.

The reason it isn’t discussed is almost certainly because a) only about a quarter of all women normally have orgasms during vaginal sex anyway, and b) for women whose benchmark is just having an orgasm, delaying it a bit while waiting for him to come isn’t a problem.  In fact, it’s a problem most women would love to have, and in many ways, it’s a good thing, because it helps synchronize her orgasms to his so they both finish together.

However, it does create a problem for Tantric women who have experienced multiple orgasms during yoni massage and would like to experience them during regular sex as well.  Fortunately, there’s a solution that was independently discovered by two of our couples and has been enthusiastically endorsed by several others who have tried it:  if the guy acts like he’s having an orgasm, that will usually trigger hers.

I know, I know – faking an orgasm is bad.  But that’s because it’s meant to deceive the other person. A good “fauxgasm” in this situation isn’t meant to deceive anyone, and isn’t going to.  It’s just a change in your normal pattern that is meant to boost her over the edge when she’s almost there.

Guys, here’s all it takes: when you’re pretty sure she’s ready, speed up your breathing, make a few deep, hard thrusts, then hold at maximum penetration and do about six or seven very fast Kegels, making your penis jerk inside her. Add sound effects if you can do it naturally. (Just grunts or gasps, please. No cries of “OMG I’M COMING!”) Pause for a few seconds and repeat the Kegel jerks. Repeat this cycle as long as her orgasm lasts, then go back to slow thrusting until she’s ready for another orgasm or until you’re ready to come for real.

Of course, once you learn how to have multiples yourself, this will become unnecessary, so that’s the subject of the next series of posts!

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