[part 3 in a series that starts here]
Eventually, as you get better at managing his arousal level, you will want to be more forceful at the beginning, to get him up to a fairly high level of arousal in the first four or five minutes, and then go to a lighter and more intermittent touch to keep him there. In the terms of a popular scale, in which 1 is no arousal, 4 is a firm erection, 9.9 is the “point of no return” and 10 is an orgasm, the idea is to get him fairly quickly to a 7 and then keep him between 6 and 9 for as long as he wants the session to last. There are hundreds of possible things you can do and ways to do them that will keep him at that level without going too far. Here are just a few:
The perineum, or "taint," the area between the testicles and the anus at the base of the pelvis, is often neglected in normal sex play. The root of the penis extends down into this area as it turns and angles back up inside the body. Just behind the root, in the rear half of the perineum, is an area that transmits pressure to the prostate gland. Both of these areas respond best to pressure, not light strokes.
If you are between his legs, use both thumbs to stroke firmly from the very base of the perineum (just above the anus) up the root of the penis and between the balls, to a point about a third or half way up the shaft. If you curl your hands and let the backs of your fingers rest naturally ahead of your thumbs, you can let them deliver a lighter caress up the whole length of the shaft at the same time.
If you are at your partner’s side, use the three middle fingers of one hand to deliver the same very firm stroke, starting at the rear, and going part way up the shaft. Let the base of the palm and the flat of your hand precede the fingers, delivering the softer part of the stroke.
This stroke can be especially helpful if the man needs help getting a full erection, as it moves blood up from the base area into the penis.
Testicles, needless to say, are very sensitive to pressure, so you must be very careful never to press hard on them or let them get them caught or pinched as you move your hands past them. As a result, some women ignore them completely, which is too bad, because most men love gentle strokes in this area. Here are some things you can try:
Use your whole hand or both hands to cup the scrotum and gently massage it, sliding the balls up and down and side to side. Then pinch the scrotum in the middle, between the balls, and tug it up and outward, and then back down again toward the perineum. Hold it there while you draw the fingertips or nails of your other hand over the taut skin of the scrotum and up the whole length of the shaft.
Next, use the thumb and forefinger of one hand to make a loose ring around the base of the scrotum and pull outward until the skin of the scrotum is stretched smooth over the balls. Run the tips of your other fingers in circles over the smooth skin and then gently, but firmly, draw the balls down toward his thighs. Hold it like this with medium tension, pulling his penis into a vertical position, while you use the fingertips of your other hand to trace up his shaft and make swirls around the head, then drag the backs of your nails up and down the back and sides of the shaft.
Some men have more slack in the scrotum than others. If your partner has too little slack and you can’t make a ring around the base of the scrotum, try making a ring around the base of the penis below the scrotum, behind his balls. Then slide that hand up the shaft until the scrotum is stretched smooth over the balls. Use the palm and fingertips of your other hand to gently stroke the taut skin of the scrotum and also the head of the penis.
The shaft of the penis is moderately sensitive along most of its length, but becomes much more sensitive in the area just below the head, where the retracted foreskin or circumcision scar is located. As a result, light finger strokes, with the fingertips or the backs of the nails, should usually go upwards, from the base to the top, so that each touch creates anticipation of the more sensitive burst to come at the end.
When the penis is lying on your partner’s belly, the simplest stroke is just using the flat of the hand and fingers to press and sweep the full length of the shaft in either direction. Use this often as your transition between other types of strokes.
It’s natural to stroke the sensitive front (or underside) of the penis, where the urethra is, especially when it’s in that position, but try not to neglect the sides and back. In some cases, the back can be hard to get at. Some men have more of a flexible hinge at the base of the shaft than others and can point even a full erection downward toward their feet. Others can angle only 30 to 90 degrees outward from the belly without pain when they are hard, but can go much further when they are semi-hard. Experiment gently and find out!
If you are doing this from the side, try orienting one hand so the palm is against the back of the glans. Use your thumb and forefinger to make a ring around the head, and draw the head as far as you can in the direction of his legs. Then use the other fingers to stroke down across his groin and along the back of the penis. If you’re between his legs, draw the head down toward you as far as it will comfortably come, and then draw your palms and fingers up the back of the shaft, alternating in a hand-over-hand motion. Allow your palms to stroke the head, curling over the top of the glans. You can then shift to drawing your hands simultaneously or sequentially up and down the sides, with just the tips of the fingers hooked behind the shaft.
The Glans or head of the penis is, of course, the most sensitive part of his anatomy, along with the frenulum, the little spot right under the front of the glans, at the very top of the shaft. Any fast, forceful stroking in these areas leads to rapid arousal and all too often a rapid orgasm, so take it easy. However, slow friction on the taut skin of the head can feel exquisite and extremely intense without necessarily touching him off. The trick is to never enclose or squeeze the head as you do it; instead, limit yourself to touching and stroking only one or two parts of the surface at any one time.
Grasp the middle part of the shaft with one hand and hold it as close to vertical as it can comfortably go. Use one or two fingers of the other hand to trace circles and spirals on the head. Next, hold the upper hand flat on top of the glans and skim your palm in circles, rubbing the top; then angle your hand to do the same to the back and sides of the glans.
Now put your palm flat an inch or two above the glans and grasp the glans with the tips of your fingers and thumb; rotate your hand left and right, like you are screwing a bottlecap on and off. If you use a gentle grip your fingers will glide around the head, creating a lot of friction. With a firmer grip, you can twist the glans itself back and forth, which feels good in a different way as long as you don’t overdo it.
Next, tighten your lower hand and pull it downward, pulling the skin on the shaft taut. End up with your thumb and finger in a ring at the base of the shaft. You should be pulling the skin downward firmly enough so that it pulls the edges of the glans downward, flattening it somewhat. Now use the fingertips of your free hand to stroke upward on the shaft and the frenulum and all around the circumference of the glans. Rub gently and fast, or firmly but slowly, or tap rapidly, or use a light, quick, tickling or twisting motion.
For more of a slow, dreamy, but still very intense pleasure sensation, grasp the upper shaft firmly with both hands, interlacing your fingers together and pulling the skin slightly downward, and then use the balls of your thumbs to stroke slowly up the frenulum and over and around the glans. The combination of firm, but unmoving pressure on the shaft and the gentle glide of your thumbs feels exquisitely good to many men without being quite enough to send them over the edge.
Oral: You can substitute your tongue and lips for the hand or fingertips doing the stroking in any of these activities, but I strongly recommend that you not take any substantial part of the penis into your mouth until you are near the end. Kissing, licking, and nibbling all feel great without overstimulating, but having the penis enclosed by the mouth is just too strong for many men when they are highly aroused. Even if it doesn’t trigger an immediate climax, it can jump his arousal up by an unpredictable amount and make it hard for both of you to manage things smoothly. If he really likes full oral and suction, and you want to include it, reserve it for the end. (More about this in the next two posts.)