I find the subject irresistible because human sexuality is weird. VERY weird! Most mammals have relatively consistent mating systems. They may have bizarre customs, but all members of a single species do pretty much the same things in roughly the same ways. But human mating systems are mixed up, messed up, and incredibly diverse.
To start with, we have by far the worst reproductive systems of all the mammals:
Maternal death rates: Without
modern medicine we have the highest death rates in childbirth of any
mammal, rivaled only by the hyena, and far higher than any other.
Menstruation: Other
mammals can reabsorb a defective embryo with no fuss, but humans have a
chorionic placenta that requires a complex menstrual cycle in order to
flush out defective embryos. There is nothing nice and cuddly and natural about this. It is a uniquely debilitating and wasteful
system. No other female mammals suffer from anything like it.
Extremely low conception rate: Most
mammals have a conception rate of 90-99% per ovulation. Because of our
bizarre menstrual cycle, we have a much lower conception rate than other
mammals, around 15-20% per ovulation for fertile couples having regular
sex, and less than 1% for a random act of intercourse. Women who are trying to
conceive may require more than a dozen ovulations and hundreds of
copulations to get pregnant, even if both partners are fertile and
healthy.
In addition, our bodies seem designed to be confusing:
Cryptic ovulation: To
complicate the conception problem, our ancestors evolved what is called
"cryptic ovulation." Unlike any of our close primate relatives, there
was no way people in prescientific societies could tell when a woman was
fertile, so trying to conceive required frequent copulation throughout
the cycle.
Full breasts on fertile and infertile females: Unlike
any other female mammal, adult women have breasts that remain enlarged
and prominent even when they are not pregnant or nursing. This hides yet
another possible clue that a female is not fertile.
We also have a combination of rare mating patterns that together make us unique:
Nonreproductive sex: Humans,
dolphins, and pigs seek out recreational sex. Bonobos use brief genital
rubbing as a way to establish social ties and resolve tension. But most
other mammals have zero interest in intercourse without the specific
cue of a female who is ovulating and in heat.
Sexual frequency: One
consequence of these evolutionary adaptations is that humans are
incredibly oversexed by mammalian standards. Even in a monogamous
marriage, a woman can easily have sex 10,000 times or more if both
partners remain in good health, far more sex over a lifetime than other
female mammals experience.
Social monogamy: Most
mammals, including our closest cousins, are polygamous and
opportunistic about sex; humans are in the small fraction, about 15%, of
mammals that practice some kind of pair bonding and coparenting. Even
in officially polygamous human societies, the vast majority of marriages
involve only two people.
(Note: This is not to say that humans don't cheat on their spouses. As in other pair-bonding species, many individuals do stray if given the chance. Also, like many monogamous species, humans often practice serial monogamy, changing partners after a period of exclusivity together.)
(Note: This is not to say that humans don't cheat on their spouses. As in other pair-bonding species, many individuals do stray if given the chance. Also, like many monogamous species, humans often practice serial monogamy, changing partners after a period of exclusivity together.)
Extreme variation: Humans
have THE most varied, conflicted, and confusing courtship rituals and
mating systems in the animal kingdom. We may marvel at the peculiar
things some non-human species do, but there is a great deal of
consistency within each species. Among humans, different cultures set
different rules for nearly every aspect of mate selection. Just the idea
of a courtship process that sometimes takes minutes and sometimes takes
months or years, would be inconceivable for other mammals.
Speculating
about how we got so messed up is fun and can be illuminating, and I
sometimes find it irresistible. So I'm no one to throw stones at someone
else just because they do some "evo-devo" theorizing or make pop
science points based on somewhat speculative neuroscience.
On the other hand, I'm in a good position to judge when people are stretching the research way too far and presenting wild claims and mere guesses as if they were facts. For a really good example of the difference between junk science and the responsible use of the existing research, see Sex at Dawn and Sex at Dusk. (Spoiler: Dawn is dishonest garbage; Dusk is a great read, meticulously honest, informative, and fun.)
Anyway, I hope this digression has piqued your curiosity about evolution and the weirdness of human sexuality. What strange, mixed-up creatures we are!
I am so happy you wrote again your wisdom, after so long :D Thank you and welcome back!!
ReplyDeleteHi, I love the site but I have notice while navigating many hyperlinks and navigation links are broken due to the sensitive content warning becoming an infinite loop.
ReplyDeleteSee yourself the different between the two links:
http://moderntantra.blogspot.com/
https://moderntantra.blogspot.com/
Please enable HTTPS Redirect on your blog to fix this issue! You can try following this guide if you are unaware of how to do this:
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Thanks a lot for everything and hopefully this can be fixed so the blog can be more easily navigated!
AS
Thanks for the tip! I think I fixed it. Let me know if it's still not working for you.
DeleteSA
Hello! I stumbled upon your blog earlier today and I look forward to diving into your posts.
ReplyDeleteI would like to know if you can recommend resources or a regimen to help improve penis firmness. I recently discussed this with a past partner, and the two of us are wondering if there is a "tried and true" way to ensure more reliable intercourse (something other than a pill like Cialis or Viagra).
During our discussion, we both conceded that poor penis firmness has lead to penetration complications outside of our own intimate relationship. In my case, I believe that anxiety might play a role. Is this a common problem and is there a way to overcome this?
Thank you,
MM
If Cialis and Viagra don't work for you, or you can't take them for other reasons, your best alternative is an injectable called Trimix. You need a prescription, and getting started takes some instruction, so it's a good idea to see a good urologist who is familiar with it, but it is definitely worth the extra effort. It is very effective and consistently produces higher quality erections than the usual ED pills, without the common side effects.
DeleteOther than that, I would recommend meditation in general and mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT) in particular for anxiety. As you read the blog, you'll see that meditation is an important part of tantric sex, so doing MBCT is a natural fit.
I hope this helps!
Thanks for getting back to me! Cialis works great, but it's an expensive solution. My hope is to remove the need for a medication, if possible.
DeleteI have already started my journey in meditation and am glad to see that it is a core component of tantric sex (one of the things that draws me to it, actually). MBCT is something that I hope to become well-versed in.
One more question: kegels keep coming up in my research. Do you personally believe that regular kegel exercises can lead to improvements in penis firmness?
FWIW, Cialis is now available as a generic, so it should be much less expensive.
DeleteOn kegels, if a person (man or woman) has weak PC muscles, doing kegels can create a big improvement in fitness. For other people, however, it's a small gain at best, and the main reason for doing kegels is to maintain pelvic fitness as you grow older.
If you can hold a hard kegel clench for 30 seconds and do 100 hard, fast kegel "pops" in a minute, you should be fine. If not, do your kegels ~3x/day until you can, and then do a light set every day or every other day so you don't backslide.
Thanks for getting back to me. This is a great starting point and I appreciate the advice!
DeleteI am so glad to see a post from you again. Do you give online courses? Is there any way of following your work regularly.
ReplyDeleteNo courses, but I moderate the r/tantricsex and r/sexover30 forums on Reddit, so you can catch me there! :)
DeleteGreat that u are back
ReplyDeleteA fascinating blog, Shakti! Thank you so much for taking the time to put it all together. I'm just beginning to become interested in Tantra and I really appreciate your clear, well-written text, which draws on your scientific background.
ReplyDeleteI do find the new age style, energy-based descriptions of tantra to be difficult to assimilate. I probably need to try to be more accepting of it, since it is not easy to describe the effects in the mind, so using metaphors no doubt helps.
In any case I do see the effects it has in people, and the benefits on paper are certainly convincing.
So my journey is starting now and I will be using your early posts as you suggest - let's see how I get on...
Thanks once again!
Hey Shakti, great stuff.
ReplyDeleteI've thought for a long time about how our biology isn't designed for modern life, even though we've tried to design modern life for our biology, and the best way to bridge that gap. And
(2) That our biology, diet, sex, aggression, etc. are designed to be highly variable, making bridging the gap even more complicated.
I haven't read your whole blog but I am dying for people to discuss these topics with. I am a male, 25. Reading your blog has legitimized tantra for me as well. Do you have any recommendations for connecting with others who want to tackle and apply these same ideas?
I hang out mostly on Reddit these day. I moderate r/tantricsex, but there are other subreddits dealing with human evolution, evo psych, etc., that discuss these and other related ideas.
DeleteIts a very interesting post with a curious and real perspectiva of Life.
ReplyDeleteThanks for to write It and to give your knowledgement to us.
Your exploration of evolution and human sexuality is both thought-provoking and informative, inviting readers to delve deeper into the fascinating world of evolutionary psychology. Through your insights, you highlight the strange and mixed-up nature of human beings, leaving us with a renewed sense of wonder about our own species.
ReplyDelete