Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Is Tantra for You?

Before you start to learn Tantra, you need to think about why you want to do it, and whether it is really something that is worth the considerable investment of time and energy.  In addition to the experienced Tantric couples I interviewed, I have also spoken to quite a few people over the years who have started to learn Tantra and have given up.  I have, of course, been interested in the differences between the two groups.  And one of the biggest differences has been in their reasons for being attracted to Tantra in the first place.

Those who don’t succeed in learning Tantra include a fair number of singles (mostly men) …
  • Who are looking for bigger and better sexual thrills
  • Who want to be known as “great lovers”
  • Who are hoping that knowing Tantra will get them more sex with more partners

Those who try and fail also include many couples…
  • Who have only one partner really interested in Tantra
  • Who are just curious and can’t or won’t make the long-term commitment
  • Who are trying to patch up a bad relationship
  • Who are so new to their relationship that they are still getting to know and trust each other
People in the first three categories, and often the fourth as well, are generally still looking for what I call adrenaline sex:  sex for thrills, excitement, conquest, power, and status.  If that includes you, I don’t blame you for being interested in Tantra, because Tantra is often marketed in just that way, but you need to know that what makes Tantra work is the exact opposite of what makes edgy sex exciting to so many people.

Most people who come to Tantra looking for great sexual adventures end up being turned off by the need for a safe, secure environment and the lack of spontaneity implied by planning ahead and practicing a ritual.  A high level of trust between partners also necessarily means a low-risk environment.  If you’re the kind of person who prefers a speedboat ride in dangerous waters, you’re going to be disappointed by a leisurely cruise, particularly if you realize that you are signing up to take what is basically the same cruise at regular intervals for years.  If danger, variety, and novelty are your biggest turn-ons, Tantra is probably not for you, no matter how exciting the idea of “bigger, better, longer orgasms” may seem!

You can still get some value from the sections to come, so you’re welcome to read along with the rest of us less adventurous types.  Anyone can learn a great deal from “Tantra lite” that can help them become much better lovers, and men who are motivated enough to learn how to become multi-orgasmic will find that that ability is very much appreciated by the women in their lives!  Just please remember that Tantra is not a collection of individual skills.  It's something that really works well only when both of the people involved are informed, prepared, and motivated to do it, and have a great deal of trust in each other.

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