Shakti's Guide to Good, Great, and Amazing Sex

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How to learn to enjoy sex

For most people reading this blog, this is going to be an irrelevant question. But I was reminded today that it's a serious problem for some people whose bodies and minds have never quite gotten synched up to experience sex as something pleasurable.

The most common causes of 'sexual anhedonia' (lack of pleasure) are drugs and medications, hormonal problems, depression, dysthymia (a form of chronic depression), and religious repression. These require major lifestyle changes and/or serious medical or psychological treatment.

But what about the mysterious cases of anhedonia that don't seem to be related to any of these causes?

The Art of the Handjob

I'm continuing to collect things I wrote in other places that are relevant here. In this case, I was asked to explain what I mean by "giving a great handjob." (I'm going to describe giving one to a man, but the setup is similar and there's a link at the end to more detailed instructions for women.)

For starters, I strongly recommend three things:

Video tutorials for massage and oral techniques

One of the most common requests I get is for video tutorials, and I've been accumulating notes for a couple of years about videos that will help newcomers.  It has gone slowly because I don't really have time to scan a lot of videos and because there is so much bad stuff out there, which I find a turn-off.

However, a set of amateur videos by a couple of friends has inspired me to put something together for you.  One problem is that many of the videos are only reliably found on pay-sites, even though they are also frequently available on free porn-sites.  So rather than provide you with links that are highly perishable or lead only to a paywall, I will instead give a title and length for each one and leave it up to you to search for them.

Escaping a Dead Bedroom

One reason I've been discussing the various overlaps and close parallels between tantric sex and sex therapy over the last few months is that Z and I found our way to tantra in the first place because we were facing a "dead bedroom" – a catastrophic drop in sexual frequency.

I've kept my own personal story mostly out of this blog, but I recently came across a question on Reddit that inspired me to write about how Z and I escaped from that trap that kills so many relationships when the passion declines after a year or two.  And an old friend read it and encouraged me to expand on the story here.  So here goes!