A New Resource Page: Vaginismus

Over the last several years, many people have found this blog and written to me with questions, and I'm always curious about what attracted them to tantra.  One of the more unusual groups of people who have landed here have been women who suffer from vaginismus, a disorder that causes vaginal tightness and pain and frequently makes penetrative sex impossible.

These women and their partners usually come to this blog because they are searching for ways to make non-penetrative sex better.  A friend or, in several cases, a doctor or sex counselor has recommended learning tantric massage, and an Internet search has directed them here.  Perhaps the most touching of these was from a couple who had been married three years and had never been able to consummate their marriage.

Needless to say, I have done what I could to help provide ideas for ways to have tantric sex without a "PiV" (penis in vagina) finale.  As regular readers know, this is normal for lesbian couples as well as for one of the couples I described in "Tantra with Physical Limitations." (The husband has severe ED from an injury and cannot get erections even with drugs.)

But it also got me interested in finding out more about vaginismus itself.  I was surprised to find out how common vaginal pain is and how poorly informed most doctors are about it.  Many women spend years bouncing from doctor to doctor, being told it is "all in their heads," and never getting a clear understanding of what the problem is, much less how to treat it.

This is immensely frustrating because their suffering is entirely unnecessary.  The therapy for vaginismus is inexpensive, accessible, and almost always effective.  Just giving couples the magic word "vaginismus" and a handful of web links has led directly to women getting therapy and being able to have pain-free sex for the first time in years, or in one case, the first time ever.

I received a Thanksgiving thank-you note a few days ago from one of these women, and it got me thinking that I should at least put my notes in shape and post them here.  So I did!

The new vaginismus resource page is located here.

And to continue the Thanksgiving holiday note, I hope you all have had as much to be thankful for as I did!