Using Kegels to Create NEOs

[this is the last of five posts on male multiple orgasms, starting here]   

Let’s take a second or two to review six ways to delay an orgasm, typically before reaching the "point of no return":

• The Squeeze: Squeeze the blood out of the head of the penis for 30 seconds.
• The Tug: When the cremaster muscle pulls the testicles up against the base of the penis before orgasm, tug the scrotum and testicles down again and away from the penis.
• The Push: Like pushing out a bowel movement, but more gently. (Also called a "Reverse Kegel.")
• The Spread: Spread your legs very wide (like doing the splits).
• The Kegel: Clench your PC (kegel) muscles hard.
• The Poke: Use the tips of your fingers to press hard on the spot in the middle of the perineum where you can feel a small depression. (NOT recommended!)

I included the Poke only because it is often described by other people, but doing it forces a retrograde ejaculation – semen going backward into the bladder – which can damage the man’s reproductive system, so I definitely do not recommend it.

Furthermore, it’s hard to hit the spot exactly right, and even when it does work, a retrograde ejaculation is an ejaculation. It doesn’t matter where the semen goes – it still leads to a normal loss of erection, so it does no good in terms of creating multiple orgasms.

The squeeze is the best known and most reliable, but any of the first five can be effective if you start early enough, although results definitely can vary. But the fifth one is special, because if you get the timing exactly right, you can stop just the ejaculation, but not the orgasm.

Kegel Clenches

This is the method described in all of the “how to” manuals. Both of the books I recommended here follow the same basic format and use the same basic terminology:

“Kegels,” “Kegel clamps,” or “Kegel clenches” involve holding a hard squeeze of the PC muscles for several seconds at exactly the right time to interrupt the "emission" phase of the ejaculation.

Arousal is measured from 0 (no arousal) to 10 (ejaculation in progress) in this system, with 9.9 being the Point of No Return" (PONR), the sensation that ejaculation is now inevitable. Level 4 is often cited as the level corresponding to a full erection, but that may be closer to a 6 or even a 7 for older men. There are no other absolutes, so the idea is to establish your own set of relative standards that you can recognize consistently. Your level 8 might be different from another guy’s level 8, but as long as you can consistently hit the same level of arousal and know it’s your “8”, that’s all that counts.

“Edging” is the process of reaching a targeted level of arousal and then backing off, letting time, immobility, and/or one of the interruption techniques (scrotum tug, squeeze, push out, or kegel) bring the level of arousal down.

Practice, Practice, Practice!

The learning process starts with doing kegel exercises until you can hold a tight kegel clamp for some specified time – the books mostly say at least 15 seconds – in order to build strength. While you are doing your kegel exercises, you should also be practicing a “soft” masturbation style that mimics a good lingam massage. Include your inner thighs, scrotum, and perineum, and change your stroke area and pattern often.

Next, practice “edging” up to, and part way down from, various levels of arousal. Both of the books I recommended lay out an elaborate sequence of activities, and I’m in no position to judge whether the exact sequence really matters, but it looks to me like you could pick target levels almost at random. The point is that once you pick one, you should practice hitting it and backing off, over and over again, until you can do it fairly accurately every time.

Once you can consistently hit targets from roughly 5 through 9, practice hitting successive levels, like 7.5, 8, 8.5, 9, and eventually 9.5. After you hit one level, do a short kegel and back off a level or two and then edge up to the next half-level. Try not to go over the top. As you get better at it, try to do the same thing for levels 9.2, 9.4, 9.5, 9.6, 9.7, and eventually 9.8. Do a fast, hard kegel as you hit each increased level and pause to see if anything is going to happen.

If (actually, when) you goof and get to 9.9 by mistake, immediately do a fast, hard kegel. At first, you will almost certainly clench too late. You will still feel the "Point of No Return" (PONR), followed by the orgasm and ejaculation. If this happens, release the kegel as soon as you feel contractions starting. Don't make the mistake of trying to physically block the ejaculation with the kegel. (Whether you succeeded or not, you would still lose your erection, so it's pointless.)

The PONR sensation is what you feel when your seminal vesicles and other glands dump their contents into your urethra where they mix together and become semen. What you're trying to do is learn to sense the point when the orgasm actually begins in your brain, a second or two BEFORE the PONR. If you can pop a sharp kegel at that moment, it will prevent the glands from dumping their contents and creating semen. No semen means no PONR feeling and no ejaculation.

Eventually, you’ll hit it just right. You won't experience that unmistakable "PONR" sensation. Instead, you'll have an NEO: an orgasm with contractions, but with only a little bit of precum or semen or none at all coming out. And you won’t lose your erection.

When that happens the first time, immediately edge back up to a high 9 level and try to do the same thing again. Keep repeating it until either you goof and ejaculate or you wear yourself out. Then celebrate! You've done it!

Precision and Timing

Learning to do this accurately can take months if you do it regularly, or years if you just practice it occasionally. When you are just starting out, you’ll have no idea what the numbers mean. Over time, you’ll develop a clearer and clearer sense of where you are on your own arousal curve. As you gain really precise control in the level 9+ area, you will goof and hit 9.9 less and less often, and when you do, you’ll be able to prevent the ejaculation more reliably.

The key is accurate timing, which depends on an incredibly precise sense of the difference between 9.8 and 9.9. The authors of these books call 9.9 “the point of no return,” but in studies using brain imaging, it’s clear that the boundary between 9.8 and 9.9 is actually the onset in the brain of the orgasm itself.

When a subject has an orgasm in a brain scanner, the entire brain lights up. In fact, an orgasm looks remarkably like an epileptic seizure, a wild electrical storm that involves almost every part of the brain, and this brainstorm starts to rage across the brain a couple of seconds before any detectable sign of the start of the ejaculation.

By comparison, an ejaculation without orgasm (provoked, for example, by prostate massage on a subject with a severed spinal cord), involves just a few bits of the sympathetic nervous system. Neurologically, it’s a much simpler, involuntary process that takes place mostly at the base of the spine.

Although there are usually a couple of seconds between the onset of an orgasm and the onset of ejaculation, the men who have learned how to do this agree that the difference between “too soon” and “too late” can be as little as a second right at the very start of the orgasm.

In the language of these books, you have to catch the exact moment of the transition between 9.8 and 9.9.

If you wait until the orgasm feels inevitable, it’s too late. Enjoy the wet one and take a break.

If you kegel too early, just cool off back to a 9.0 or 9.5 and then try again.

What I’ve described here is the solo version, assuming (for simplicity) that you’re going to be using masturbation for all the exercises. Overall, it's probably easier to learn how to do this when you're single.

However, both books actually give two versions of every exercise, one solo and one with a partner, and suggest that you can do either one. The consensus of the men who were already in a relationship when they learned how to do this is that it’s actually easier if you can do some of each. A few did it all solo, but most said they did anywhere from 65% to 95% of the work solo, and had their partners’ help for the rest.

Making the Decision

I’ve described this process mainly so you can get a sense of whether you actually want to commit to doing it. It's not easy and it takes a real commitment. Most men I asked said they had somewhere between 80 and 200 wet orgasms before having their first intentional NEO. So it's easy to get discouraged and give up. It's definitely not for everyone.

Although you could probably learn how to have NEOs from this short description, it might be easier with a more complete guide. If you actually decide to learn how to do this, I recommend reading at least one of these books. (If you don't have either one on hand, Keesling's book would be my choice if you can get it.)

Don’t expect instant or easy results, and don’t back yourself into any corners where you’re going to look or feel like a failure if you give it a try and decide it’s not for you. Everything you learn along the way, especially learning to be more aware of your own orgasmic curve and to have more precise control over your level of arousal, will be directly helpful during sex, especially during tantric sex, so it will not be wasted effort.

Good luck!