The Tantric Ritual: Full-Body Massages

At the end of the meditation phase, get up slowly. Many couples like to spend a minute or two in a standing hug. This is a good time for neck nuzzling and murmuring sweet nothings to your partner.

[If you are still a bit shaky about the names for the various bits of genital anatomy, click on the tabs at the top right of this page: The Glossary has definitions and the Better Sex guide has illustrations you may find helpful.]

Full Body/Lingam Massage

5.  Massage his back.  Ladies, you're in charge for this part. Remove your partner’s towel or wrap, if he has one on, take his hand, and lead him over to the table, mat, or bed. Have him lie face down with his penis tucked downward, so it points toward his feet.

Warm and spread the massage oil and give him a thorough head-to-toe massage, working especially on any knots or tension in the long muscles of the back, butt, and legs. Say hello to the perineum, scrotum, and penis (or “lingam” in Tantric jargon), giving them light, playful attention as you go by. When you are finished with his calves, slide your hands back up his inner thighs and stroke his lingam some more until he has a partial erection.

6.  Massage his front.  When you finish his back, have him turn over. Repeat the massage on the front, with special attention to the face, chest, arms, hands, and feet. Provide light strokes to the genital area whenever you are close by. After you finish his feet, work your way back up with long strokes on the insides of his legs, nudging his legs further apart. Finish the body massage by working on the long thigh muscles.

7.  Lingam massage.  As you massage his thigh muscles, gradually shift your attention to the genital area. Use your fingers and an open hand. Avoid hard strokes and don’t focus just on the penis. Alternate your strokes along the penis with strokes along the scrotum, perineum, inner thighs, and lower abdomen. Add oil as needed.

Be playful, don’t do any one thing for long, and pay close attention to his responses. Include oral touches, but cautiously. Your goal is to get him aroused and then keep him below the critical level for as long as possible. (Much more on this later!) When you realize that he just can’t hold out any longer, grasp the shaft and head of the penis in your fist and use strong vertical strokes to make the finish as intense as possible.

8.  Meditation and controlled attention.  Men, your goal during parts 6 and 7 is to get into as deep a meditative state as you can and then focus your attention on a progressively wider area around your genitals. As you broaden your focus to include the groin and anal areas, you will feel the area of arousal gradually spread to them from the initial localization in your penis.

This is tricky at first, and it will feel strange, but with practice you can spread the normal heat and tension of sexual arousal throughout your groin, your whole pelvic area, your abdomen, and eventually your whole body. With the sexual tension filling a much wider area, the orgasm you experience when that tension is finally released will be much broader, stronger, and more intense than your normal, localized, genital orgasm. Stay limp and relaxed as long as possible, and try not to let any muscles clench or tighten up until the very end.

Full Body/Yoni Massage

9.  Massage her back.  Men, once you've recovered, switch places with your partner and proceed as in Step 5, but with even less attention to her genitals (or “yoni” in Tantric jargon) unless she requests it. The position just makes access awkward. (If you find that she prefers more stimulation during this phase, try putting a bolster, pillow, or rolled towel under her hips when she lies down.)

10. Massage her front.  Proceed as in step 6, but use a very gentle touch on the breasts unless you know for certain she wants more. Even women who like nipple play a lot usually prefer it if you wait until they are fully aroused. Limit your genital touches to her external parts, using a firm, slow, stroke on the mons, outer labia, and perineum. (See the tabs at the top of the page.) Don’t poke or intrude. It’s too soon.

11. Yoni massage.  After you finish her foot massage, work your way back up the insides of her legs, nudging them further apart. Massage her outer labia and perineum until you see that her vulva is thoroughly engorged. Her outer labia should be plump and swollen, her inner labia should be darker pink or red, and her clitoral shaft should feel firm to your touch. Gradually shift your attention to the shaft, sliding the clitoral hood over it in an up and down, sideways, or circular motion.

When she is ready, gently insert one or two fingers into her vagina, pressing upward with your fingertips, and begin a firm, slow, stroking motion, repeatedly drawing your fingers back toward the entrance. Alternate stimulation of the clitoral shaft and vagina with strokes on the labia, perineum, inner thighs, mons, and lower abdomen. Add oil as needed.

Be playful, don’t do any one thing for long, and pay close attention to her responses. If she has an orgasm before she is ready to stop, just hang on until the last contraction is over, and then gently pick up where you left off. When she’s ready to finish, a touch of oral is often a great way to bring her over the top and intensify the final orgasm.

12. Meditation and controlled attention.  Ladies, it's your turn to relax. Proceed as in step 8, and try not to be goal oriented; just relax as deeply as you can and enjoy the sensual journey. Keep your breathing slow and don’t let your muscles tense up. As you feel that warm glow beginning, focus your attention away from your yoni and toward the area around the edge of the glow, and the warmth and arousal will spread gradually to a much wider area.

If you feel an orgasm coming sooner than you intended, let it happen, but anticipate continuing afterward. As women gain experience with Tantra, nearly all of them learn to have multiple orgasms during yoni massage even if they have not been multi-orgasmic before. You can help yourself do this by not letting your muscles tense up during these preliminary orgasms.

A Break?

Many couples take a short break between the two massages or after the yoni massage to run to the john, get a drink, and maybe grab a bite to eat before continuing to the next phase, but some go directly on to yab-yum. If you do take a break for food, keep it brief and stay in the mood - sit close together, feed each tidbits, and so on.

The critical question in deciding whether to take a break, and for how long, is how fast the female partner loses her arousal after an orgasm, hopefully an unusually intense orgasm. If she is still aroused enough to start yab-yum after a break, you’re fine. But if she comes down faster than that, you may want to take your break before her massage instead of after it. Or go ahead and take your break, and then indulge in a little bit of foreplay to get warmed back up before continuing to the next phase.