An old friend of mine did a really cool thing last month. She combed through the non-Tantra posts that I have scattered through this blog and organized them into what amounts to a sex ed handbook. Although she called it "A Beginner's Guide," it's really for anyone who wants to have better sex.
She goes by the name "TantraGirl" on Reddit, and this was her original post. It was a labor of love, and she has kindly granted permission for me to quote her. All of the comments below were written by her:
- Aunt Shakti's Action Plan for Proactive Modern Virgins -- a guide for girls and women to having a pain-free and enjoyable first time.
- Aunt Shakti's Guide for Male Virgins -- provides tips for getting ready and takes the beginner through a normal first time, step-by-step.
- Better Sex 101 -- an excellent intro-level sex ed guide, with anatomy and lots of tips for being a better partner.
- Reviews: Three Guides to Sensual Massage and Manual and Oral Sex -- good stuff, not porn.
- Video tutorials for massage and oral techniques -- more good stuff, definitely porn.
Focus on him
- How Much Does Penis Size Matter? -- includes tips for managing a variety of genital fit problems.
- The Best Ways to Control Premature Ejaculation -- describes aids to lasting longer, and also some long-term solutions for established couples.
- The Art of the Handjob -- Great techniques for fun or for use as part of Sensate Focus Therapy for PE, ED, or other problems.
Focus on her
- How Women Can Become (More) Orgasmic -- thorough discussion of the learning process, with links to many good resources.
- OMG Yes!!! -- a terrific app that will teach you more than you ever imagined about how to stimulate the clit and vulva with your fingers. If you own a clit, you need this; if you love someone who owns a clit, you need this. It's charming, funny, and fascinating!
- The Mystery of Arousal and Vaginal Wetness -- no, wetness does NOT necessarily reflect your/her level of sexual arousal, which is why you should always have lube available and use it when needed.
- Woman on Top - Sex in the "Cowgirl" Position -- describes many good things you can do with a favorite, but sometimes tricky, position.
- Stress and Arousal -- an introduction to the "Dual Control" theory of sexual inhibition and arousal, with a link to a short quiz that will help you figure out where you fit in.
- Understanding Vaginismus -- what is happening when the vagina clenches tight and penetration causes pain?
- Understanding VVS / Vulvodynia -- VVS is another major cause of painful intercourse. It generally manifests as a stinging or burning sensation on contact, not as tightness.
- How to learn to enjoy sex -- advice for a sex-positive asexual woman who really wants to be able to enjoy sex. (There's a significant overlap with "How Women Can Become (More) Orgasmic" in terms of the references at the end.)
- Escaping a Dead Bedroom -- Shakti's own story about how she and her guy got stuck, how they fixed it, and how a self-described "unsexy nerd with low libido" ended up having great sex and becoming a sex blogger.
Taking sex to the next level
- Understanding the Male Orgasm -- explains the neurochemistry of the male orgasm, why problems happen, why ejaculations end erections, what causes the "refractory period," and how some men are able to have orgasms without ejaculations.
- Multiple Orgasms for Men and Women -- this is a multi-part collection that is actually mostly for men; it includes a detailed guide for guys who want to learn how to have several orgasms in a row without losing their erections in between.
- The Most Intense Orgasm for Women -- describes a full-body orgasm, a continuous orgasm, and the "body-sharing illusion" that can include orgasms.
- The Fabulous(?) Fornix -- hitting the cervix is usually bad, but some people report extra pleasure from fitting the tip of the penis into the recess that surrounds the cervix; it requires a good genital fit and just the right angles.
- What Lesbian Couples Can Teach Straight Couples About Good Sex -- talks about the importance of taking enough time for good sex and the danger getting caught in the rut of having nothing but routine sex at bedtime.
- Bad, good, and magnificent sex -- it turns out that "magnificent sex" is fairly well defined and isn't idiosyncratic after all. (Who knew?)
- What is Tantric Sex? -- the secular kind of tantric sex that Shakti teaches is completely different from the "spiritual" fluff you see on the web. It's sensual, fun, and intensely orgasmic, and it works. It's one of the most straightforward and practical ways for any loving couple to achieve "magnificence" in the bedroom.
Sex and evolution
These are are a pair of long speculative articles on evolution that I'm sticking in here, mainly because I think they're cool and fascinating and I don't have another good place for them:
- Sex and the Evolution of Pleasure -- Why is sex so much fun for humans even though sex isn't pleasurable for most animals, and even though the drive to reproduce doesn't require pleasure as a motivation?
- The Evolution of the Clitoris -- The fun button is the ONLY organ whose sole function is pleasure. So why is it so badly placed to produce orgasms during normal sex?