Saturday, December 31, 2016

OMG Yes!!!

I had another topic planned for this month, but I decided to postpone it because I wanted to recommend a rather special website before the year's end.  The website is called "OMGYes.com," and it's a great resource for anyone interested in having better sex.

The website is based on extensive research on what it takes to get women aroused and what specific clitoral stimulation techniques are used by many different women to achieve orgasm.  What makes this website really special, however, is that it includes not just interviews with women describing their preferred ways to get aroused, but also videos of exactly what they are doing as they stimulate themselves.

The videos are high quality, clear, explicit, and non-pornographic.  They're also funny and rather charming, as the interviewees bare all for the camera and describe things that are mostly taboo.  There are a few awkward giggles and pauses as the women look for the right words, but it feels very natural and comfortable.  I have no idea how they found so many attractive and very articulate women who were willing to do this, but kudos to the casting director and especially to the cast.  They're amazing!

In addition to the videos, there are practice screens after many of them that allow the viewer to practice the motions on a high-res interactive image of a vulva.  So if you hear a description and watch a video of a woman describing a specific fingering pattern, you can then practice the same motion and get feedback as to speed, pressure, and location. (Note: this works MUCH better on a touch screen.  Doing it with a mouse will wear out your hand!)

So... who is it for?

First, it's definitely for women as well as men.  Women who have never really explored their own bodies, who have never masturbated to orgasm, or who have only used one method to reach orgasm will benefit tremendously from reading about, hearing about, and watching demonstrations of a wide variety of ways to receive pleasure manually.

I think it would be rare for a woman, even one who is comfortable with her own body, to see this without finding at least one new idea she wants to try out.  For women who are still struggling to find their own key to sexual pleasure, OMGYes! has a cornucopia of ideas to explore.

It's also a terrific resource for women who have no trouble reaching orgasm on their own, but have a lot of trouble telling their partners what they want and need.  This is one of the best things about the demos.  As you try to duplicate the desired strokes, you get verbal responses that demonstrate how to give constructive feedback to your partner.

Plus, I don't know about other women, but even after writing about tantric sex for years, I still have trouble visualizing what my partner is doing down there.  Watching these demos has finally given me a clue about some important differences between touches that work for me when he does them and touches that are almost the same, but just don't cut it.

So it's a big help in figuring out exactly what to ask for and how to ask for it.  Even better, if you share it with your partner, it will help the two of you build a vocabulary of touches and strokes so you can communicate more clearly about what works and what doesn't.

Men (and gay women) are likely to use this website in one of two ways.  First, if you're in a relationship with a woman, get her to go through the twelve units in "Season One" and show you the techniques she wants you to learn.  There are many, many couples who have trouble talking explicitly about sex, but who could use OMGyes as a playbook.  Even if she is too shy to demonstrate on herself, she can point and tell you, "Try this!"

Second, every person who is single and loves women would benefit from studying the entire website.  The range in what different women need from their partners is nothing short of astounding.  As many men have discovered, if you learned one way of doing things that worked with your first girlfriend, and you expect every other woman to react as she did, you – and they – will be severely disappointed!

If you get nothing else from this website, you will come away with a much greater appreciation for the first rule of sexual mechanics:  there is no such thing as one way to have sex that will please everyone, or even most people.  You have to pay attention and learn to understand your partner's body and you have to communicate and help your partner understand yours!

The emphasis throughout Season One is on techniques for clitoral stimulation.  And because of the way the videos are done, all of the demonstrations are of fingering techniques.  You can apply them to oral, but there are things you can do in oral that you can't do, at least not as well, with your fingers and vice versa, so not everything will apply to other dimensions of sex.

The emphasis on fingering fits particularly well for people involved in tantric sex, because we do so much yoni massage.  Z and I have been doing tantra for more than 20 years, and I would have sworn that he had tried every good trick in the book.  But after we went through the website together, he insisted that he has at least three new things that he wants to try out on me tomorrow morning!  (O, happy day!)

Contents

To give you an idea of the range of topics, here are the lessons in Season One:
  • Edging – delaying orgasm to increase its strength & duration  (YES! :)
  • Rhythm – finding the right rhythm and knowing when to increase it and when to keep it the same
  • Hinting – more edging techniques, using light, glancing contact
  • Consistency – when being consistent is really important
  • Surprise – the delicious feeling of an unexpected touch or digression
  • Multiples – whether to pause during her first orgasm and when and how to resume afterward to help a women have more than one
  • Accenting – the extra pressure at the right point in a circle or other pattern
  • Framing – the way you talk about sex creates expectations that can dramatically change how it feels
  • Layering – stimulating the clit indirectly, through the hood, the labia, and even cloth
  • Staging – learning how sensitivity changes in different stages of arousal
  • Orbiting – "the million ways of circling the clit"
  • Signaling – good ways to give feedback physically and orally
All of these are important for tantra, particularly for giving and receiving a good yoni massage.  I especially loved that edging came first!  After many years of feeling like a lonely advocate for extending arousal and delaying orgasm, it's so nice to see that more people are catching on!

Orbiting was perhaps the biggest surprise.  I realized that during my interviews with tantric couples over the years, I had heard many men and women talk about "circling the clit," and I always assumed that I knew what they meant.  Now I realize that I had absolutely no idea! Each one of them could have meant a dozen different things, yet I was lumping it all together in my head, assuming the meant the same thing I do when I say it!

And the lesson on framing is one that I should probably link to from my post on How to receive a yoni massage.  It gives yet another perspective on the importance of learning to relax and just accept pleasure, without concern for time or destinations or what your partner is thinking about.  In addition, it provides tips to a woman's partner for getting her relaxed and in the right receptive frame of mind, primarily by being enthusiastic about giving pleasure without creating any pressure on her to perform.

The lesson on multiples was good as far as it went, but I was disappointed in how it ended, with a rather abrupt statement that half of all women can't have multiple orgasms, so if it doesn't work for you, just stop trying.  On the contrary, I have found that any women who can have an intense orgasm from edging can also learn to have multiple orgasms with enough time.

(The secret is taking the time for extended yoni massage with a lot of edging, at least once a week.  More than half of the 59 women I interviewed for my tantra research initially thought they were unable to have multiple orgasms, yet all of them had started having multiples routinely by the end of their first year.  I followed the same pattern myself, and I've heard the same story since then from many other women who learned tantric sex from this blog.)

I know what the crew at OMGyes! were trying to do,  They wanted to reduce the pressure that a partner can put on a woman to have multiples if things don't work right away.  But they should have addressed that directly (as they did in the framing section), without seeming to rule out the possibility that success can take a long time and lots of patience.

With that tiny reservation, this is a terrific resource for anyone interested in getting better at sex, and it is particularly valuable for tantra beginners.  It's like an extended course in yoni massage.  Highly recommended!

You can get a good overview and do the Edging lesson for free at OMGYES!  If you decide it's for you, the cost of a subscription is just $29.  I think it would be well worth it for many people.  I'm already planning to give subscriptions to several young couples I'm fond of.  :)


Final thoughts

You may want to review Better Sex 101 and brush up on your female anatomy before you start.  The text guides and videos use both formal and informal terms for the female genitals, and they just assume that you will know what each word means.  But many of the people who need this software don't know what a "vulva" is, or how it differs from a vagina, or even where the clitoris is.

For these reasons and more, it would have been very helpful if the crew at OMGYes! had started with a simple interactive anatomy lesson.  They mention at several points the need for a common language to make communication easier, and I think they missed an opportunity to provide one.

For example, I would have liked to see a live demo, with several women doing a show-and-tell, touching, moving, and naming each part and demonstrating the wide differences in appearance of the inner and outer labia and the clitoris.

It would also be great if they would add a selectable overlay to the demos that assigns the letters A through F to "zones" corresponding to:

A = the upper part of the clitoral shaft/hood, just below the pubic bone
B = the middle of the clitoral shaft/hood.
C = the head of the Clit (the clitoral glans, the "button" or "bean")
D = the middle of the vestibule, between the clit and the vaginal opening
E = the vaginal opening or Entrance
F = the Fourchette, the fold of skin at the very bottom of the vulva, between the vaginal entrance and the perineum or "taint."

Just being able to spell out where to touch would give couples who had seen it a handy communication resource.  "Start at A and go down the left side all the way to F, then back up the right side" is very different from "Make circles from B to D, but don't touch C!"

Next up for Season Two?  They haven't given any hints, but my vote is for either cunnilingus (oral sex for women) or lingam massage (aka "super-deluxe handjobs with edging" for men) if they can figure out the viewing and demo problems.

As an interim, they could do an entire season on sensual & erotic massage.  This would be easy to do with their existing software and I know from hearing from readers and from discussions online that it would fill a major need.  It would also be a natural extension of everything in Season One, especially the parts on edging.  We'll see!


Happy New Year!  May all your fondest wishes for the new year come true!




3 comments:

  1. Dear Shakti,
    Thanks for such an useful blog. Please check your gmail inbox for a mail from rajkamal dubey. Need your help. Wishing you a very happy new year and waiting to hear from you,

    ReplyDelete
  2. Is there any tantric remedy for venous leakage or inability to reach full erection/ rapid loss of erection (5-10 secs) ? Thanks in advance, Jay.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 1. Experiment with Cialis, Viagra, or Levitra. If the pills don't work, try Trimix instead.

      2. Experiment with some cock rings or cock straps. Get the right size and follow the safety instructions!

      3. Get healthy and fit, and stop taking/eating/drinking any medications, recreational drugs, or home remedies that could be causing erection loss. If in doubt, Google it!

      4. If the cause might be performance anxiety, meditate and do sensate focus therapy with your gf or wife.

      5. Remember that there are many wonderful, sexy things you can do without an erection, starting with tantric massage. Lesbians manage to have great sex with no penises involved, and so can you. (This post includes an example of a straight couple that has great tantric sex with no erections: http://moderntantra.blogspot.com/2013/11/tantra-with-physical-limitations.html.)

      Best of luck!

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