Sunday, November 30, 2014

Tantra Workshops, Gay Tantra, and More

Happy Turkey Day, for all American readers!

I've just enjoyed my second Thanksgiving dinner in four days, first with Z's amazing family, including his sister and her husband and kids, and then with my brother and his wonderful wife and daughters, so I'm feeling very happy, thankful for my family, and stuffed!  I hope those of you who celebrate T-day had a great week too!

Tantra Coaching and Workshops

Ever since I started this blog, I've had a steady trickle of questions about personal coaching or workshops.  As far as I'm concerned personally, the answer has to be no.  I did this once for a young couple about a decade ago, and Z just found it too embarrassing and awkward, so part of my deal with him when I went public with this blog was that I would not get involved in teaching tantra in a personal way.

However, I know there are tantra veterans out there who could conduct workshops or provide private instruction for couples, or who already do it.  If you happen to be one of those people, and your approach to tantric sex is compatible with what you have read here in this blog, please get in touch with me.  I will be happy to list your contact info and a description of what you offer here.

In this regard, it's okay if you take a somewhat more spiritual approach to tantra than I do.  Just because I don't share that view of the world doesn't mean I object to people who do.  My concern here is with the physical techniques and the emotional bonding that form the basis for successful tantric sex, but there's no reason this can't be valuable for someone who sees an additional religious dimension to tantric practices.

The problem I see with many (all?) of the teachers who approach tantra from a spiritual point of view is that that's all they talk about.  They never provide enough practical information about exactly what to do and how to do it.  This leads many people who try a spiritualized version of tantra to fail, not get the promised results, and lose interest.

So whether you come from a "sacred sex" orientation or are simply interested in teaching couples how to have better sex, if you use this blog as a resource, let me know and I will be happy to give you some publicity.

Gay Tantra - Info Needed!

Another subject I get inquiries about is information about tantra specifically for gay couples.  I happened to get two requests in the same month from lesbian couples, and it frustrates me that I haven't been able to interview any same-sex couples who are tantric veterans.

On the male side, I have been corresponding with several Brits:

Jason's contact information is:
Skype: jason_tantra4gaymen

Twitter: jason_tantra | Facebook:

Gary O'Brian runs a regular tantra newsletter for men in Britain.  You can contact him at:

I haven't had a chance to interview them, but if you have specific questions, you can try sending a message to either one.

I also posted a question on Quora, asking any women who have done tantra to let me know what they do differently, but I got no response there, so I'm going to repeat the request here:

If you have experienced tantric sex in a lesbian relationship, can you describe the tantric sexual practices you followed?  What changes did you make to the traditional m/f tantric practices?

I would welcome input along those lines from both men and women in same sex relationships.  I can use my imagination and make suggestions, but as you know if you've read this blog, I tend to focus on the kinds of practical tips and solutions that come up when people encounter unexpected problems, and that's exactly where imagination and theory falls flat.

So let me hear from you!

Edit - adding a U.S. resource:

Ashram West, A Gay-Friendly Spiritual Community, 2070 Lyric Ave, Los Angeles, CA 90039.  Founded in 1997 - cool!

Women's Anatomy, Orgasms, and Much More

It's a meme in sex therapy circles that one of the most common ways for a man to fail as a lover is by 'expecting his next to be like his ex.'  Women vary enormously in terms of their anatomy and the tremendous diversity of things that help them get aroused and reach climax.

I'm always conscious as I write this blog that I can only address a small part of that diversity, so if you are or your partner is among the many women who don't completely fit in the "normal" categories, in terms of how they are wired up and what makes them happy, I would love to hear from you, particularly if you have stories to tell about how you adapted tantra to fit your needs.

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