Saturday, April 26, 2014

Mailbag #1: Tantra Videos / Stoned Tantra

I mentioned last time that I’ve been answering emails individually, but that some of the exchanges are worth sharing, so with due attention to privacy, here are some of the more interesting bits.

Tantra Video Links

This first one is a response from Anna that I’ve already quoted in reply to a reader’s question.  New readers who bother to look at comments will see it, but the readers who have been following the blog for a while won’t, so I’m going to insert the whole exchange here for them.

Pisces Flower had this question: 
In the last several years I have done a short version of the lingam message for my husband before I knew what it was (as much for him as me!) I did a couple of massages based on the information I had read here and a couple other sites but it wasn't... quite right. I finally found a tasteful video and that helped but I've only been able to find the one. I found it helpful but not so much for my husband in regards to the yoni message. I was wondering if you could send or post the website Anna and Hans found with the hour-long videos that helped them?
I wrote to Anna and asked her for the links you wanted, and I just got a note back from her.  She says that the videos came from a subscription nude modeling site called Hegre Art.  She and Hans aren't subscribers - they were using a buddy's login and no longer have access to it - but she looked at the public pages and says that it looks like the videos they found so helpful are no longer available at that site.

Here's a bit from her email:
Hey, Shakti!  Hi!
You know, that website has gotten a LOT raunchier since we were using it!  They still have a lot of tantra stuff at, but the girl with the big boobs is definitely not the one in the videos we saw.  The ones we watched featured a skinny girl with A-cups.  There are some little pictures of her on a different page,
You might be able to find the old videos by searching free video sites for "Hegre tantra".  I just tried that, and there's a crapton of videos available, but I don't have time to hunt through them.  "Fabi" seems to be the model with the D-cups, so you can skip those.
Or maybe not.  They might be better than the old ones, they're just not the same ones we watched.
Hope that helps!
BTW, I really like what you've done with your website!  It woulda been SO much easier learning tantra if we'd had this back then!!!
Also, it's really cool and kinda weird reading about our younger selfs on here, but I have to tell you that we've slowed down a bit.  Well, "Hans" says HE has, anyway, ha ha!  It's been a few years since we had a warmup romp before even starting tantra.  And we don't finish the yoni massage with regular sex as often as we used to.  It doesn't seem to matter, it's still wonderful and amazing!  I don't think it will ever get old! :)
"Anna"   :P
Another reader has since sent me this link to the start of an eight-part series:  Tantra Erotic Massage Part one -  It’s reasonably tasteful, even if the narration is a bit hokey.  Each segment is fairly short (3-8 minutes) and it looks like someone just chopped a longer video into short segments, so some bits of the original may be missing.

Update:  Mark Chook very kindly sent me a link to the hour-long video that those bits were cut from:

In spite of it's length, it just shows the preliminary bathing & massage for the woman, yoni massage, and maithuna.  It omits the lingam massage and yab-yum.

If you have rummaged around on the net and found some good videos that you would like to share, please send me the links or post them in the comments below!

Endorphins or Cannabinoids?

I’ve mentioned “Alan” before (  He and his wife “Alice” are two of the most experienced and articulate tantrics I interviewed, and they also introduced me to a number of other couples whom they've mentored in various ways over the years.  Here’s an excerpt from a recent note:
Hi, there!  I’ve been reading the blog and it’s terrific!  I particularly like the way you explained the science behind tantra, but I do have one suggestion.  Back in the post on the chemistry of sex (Extraordinary Passion: Tantra and the Chemistry of Sex) and in several other posts later on you talk about endorphins and the role they play in both the runners high and the tantric high.
I know this is the conventional wisdom, but I think it’s wrong.  In the first place, the runners high is a lot less common than the popular press seems to think it is.  And in the second place, I’d be willing to bet that endorphins are lot less important for both of them than the endocannabinoids.
There’s some research to back up that hunch, but to be honest, I’m relying just as much on personal experience.  What's going on for me when Ali has had me right in the zone for half an hour or more is just a LOT more like smoking weed than it is like getting a morphine shot or taking codeine or Vicodin.
Ali agrees with me on this.  She says that for her the tantric high is much closer to a cannabis high than to the very different kind of hit you get from the heavy painkillers.
Something to think about.  Keep up the good work!
Okay, I followed up the links Alan sent me and they’re not definitive, but I do think he’s probably right.  It does look like the endorphins (natural opiates generated within the brain and body) help kill the pain of long, hard exercise, but that the endocannabinoids (naturally occurring cannabis analogs) are probably responsible for most of the euphoric effect.  If that's the case, the cannabinoids are clearly the important ones during Tantra, since I really hope most of you aren't experiencing a lot of pain at that point!

One of the big problems in doing research of this kind is that the runner’s high IS quite rare, so it is difficult to reproduce it in the lab.  Since the Tantric high occurs fairly reliably for most experienced Tantric couples, I should probably suggest that the researchers have their subjects doing Tantra in the lab instead of running on treadmills!

(Can't you just imagine the reactions of the people reading that grant proposal? :)

And this leads us to an email from “A Colorado Couple”:

Stoned Tantra

Hello!  My husband and I just wanted to say that we’ve been following your blog almost from the beginning and we love it!  We experimented with tantric yoga several times before, but without much success.  We bought several books and went to one workshop, but there was just too much woo woo and not enough about what to do and why.  After reading your blog, we realized we’d been trying to do a lot of things that sort of sounded good but weren’t helping with the program!
We’re in our late forties, married almost 25 years, a kid starting college and one who just finished, and we’re kind of second generation hippies.  We meditate, we grow a lot of our own food, and we love our hot tub, so tantra should fit right in, and now it does!  We’ve been doing it since last fall and it’s been wonderful!  Thank you so much!!!
You asked people to tell you things they do different, and there is one thing we do that has really made it easier for us to get into the flow:  we smoke before we start and pretty much stay at least a bit stoned the whole time we're doing tantra.  We tried it both ways, and I have to tell you that it’s way easier to really stretch out a massage and delay the climax, particularly for the guy, if you’re already high.  Plus the tantric high adds nicely to the one you’ve already got and makes it even better.
I don’t know if this would work for everyone, but it does for us, and wow is it great that it’s legal here now!  :)
Other than that one thing, we’ve been pretty much following your instructions, going slow, adding one thing at a time, and it has worked incredibly well.  Maybe the weed helped, or we’re just quick learners, but we didn’t hit any of the snags you warned about.  I thought the sex we had before was pretty good, and I guess it was, but oh, mama! what a difference!  :D
Anyway, definitely put us down for an ebook AND a real book if you decide to do that too, and thank you SOOO much for the blog!!!!
Thank you for the kind words, and I'm putting you on the list.  As for the other part ... I’m not going to advise people to do anything that might be illegal where they live, but …. duly noted!  :)

Coming Up

In the next few posts, I'm going to focus a bit more on people who wrote to me with questions or problems, where I think the answers I gave them might help others in similar positions.

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