Saturday, November 23, 2013

A NOTE TO READERS

Dear readers,

I thought I was going to be able to get at least one couple profile written and posted this week, but that now looks doubtful.  It's going to take me a few more days to go through all my notes - over fifteen hundred pages! - and identify the couples whose profiles would be most interesting and most different from each other.  Then I need to spend some time creating narratives from my notes on those couples.  And on top of that, my partner and I will be traveling to see both of our families next week, so it may be a while before I resume regular posting.

In the meantime, I would love to hear from you!  Please feel free to post any questions or comments you have below.  If that's too public for you, you can write to me at:
shaktiamarantha ( at ) gmail.com.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

My Sources: The Tantric Couples

I first began to think that Tantra was being mismarketed when I realized that almost all of the experienced Tantrics I met were partners in long-term, loving relationships. I met blissfully happy young couples. Boring old married couples. Funky, odd, edgy couples. Stodgy, unglamorous, salt of the earth, incredibly normal couples. Childless couples, parents, and grandparents; PTA members, bikers, opera lovers, marathoners; churchgoers, mystics, and atheists; young, middle-aged, and retired couples. But in nearly every case these were people who came in pairs and were deeply attached to each other.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Using Kegels to Create NEOs

[this is the last of five posts on male multiple orgasms, starting here]   

Let’s take a second or two to review six ways to delay an orgasm:
  • The Squeeze:  Squeeze the blood out of the head of the penis for 30 seconds.
  • The Tug:  When the cremaster muscle pulls the testicles up against the base of the penis, tug the scrotum and testicles down again and away from the penis.
  • The Push:  Like pushing out a bowel movement, but more gently.
  • The Spread:  Spread your legs very wide (like doing the splits).
  • The Clench:  Clamp your PC (Kegel) muscles as hard as you can for 15-30 seconds.
  • The Poke:  Use the tips of your fingers to press hard on the spot in the middle of the perineum where you can feel a small depression.  (NOT recommended!)

Saturday, November 16, 2013

"Natural" Multiple Orgasms for Men

[fourth of five posts on male multiple orgasms, starting here]   

I mentioned foreshocks and aftershocks in an earlier post. An aftershock can be a second ejaculation, but that’s rare.  It’s almost always a dry or mostly dry orgasm that can occur with continued stimulation of the penis in the aftermath of an ejaculatory orgasm.

This can occasionally happen during vaginal sex if the penis stays firm enough to support additional thrusting and, especially, if the woman is having a powerful continuous orgasm with intense contractions and a lot of vocalization and pelvic movement. The desire to help her continue her orgasm is often the motivation for continued thrusting even as the penis gets softer, and the exchange of reinforcing signals between the two partners can often provide a great deal of non-physical stimulation, particularly with a couple who are deeply connected and aware of each other’s reactions and sensations.

Friday, November 15, 2013

Ways That Men Can Be Multi-Orgasmic

[third of five posts on male multiple orgasms, starting here]   

This topic can get confusing in a hurry because there are several completely different ways for a man to have multiple orgasms, and a lot of people just lump them all together. So it’s probably a good idea to spell out the different types and approaches separately. I’m going to start In this post by clearing the decks of the two hardest.  Then tomorrow we'll look at the ones most men will actually be able to experience.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Multiple Orgasms for Men: Some History

[Note:  this is the second of a five part series on male multiple orgasms]   

For many men, the hardest thing about learning to have multiple orgasms is believing that it’s possible. The link between orgasm and ejaculation is so strong in our culture that it’s hard to believe that it’s arbitrary and that it can be broken with a bit of effort. For this reason, I’m going to take a detour and walk you through a bit of the research and the process by which a few people managed to document the real situation and dispel some of the myths.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Multiple Orgasms for Men

[Note:  this is the first of five posts on male multiple orgasms]   

For most men, alas, having multiple orgasms isn’t quite as simple as “just keep going.” It’s true that most men who practice tantric sex will experience multiple orgasms sooner or later, quite naturally, and some men can pretty much count on having one or more additional orgasms after ejaculation during lingam massage. But few men can be consistently and intentionally multi-orgasmic unless they have deliberately learned how to have an orgasm without an ejaculation.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Multiple Orgasms for Women

Having one orgasm is great. Having many is even better!

Your motivation can be as simple as that, and for most women it is. Fortunately, for most of us, once you’ve learned how to have one orgasm, there’s no special trick to having multiple orgasms. Just keep going!

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Anal Play: A Very Sensitive Subject

Several ancient illustrations of Tantric sex clearly show anal stimulation, and perhaps for that reason, it has often had a featured role in the way various gurus have taught modern Tantric sex, even though the topic is controversial and turns many people off.

I was interested to find that roughly a third of the couples I interviewed do incorporate some form of anal stimulation or play into their routines. However, I’ve left it out of the instructions until now because it’s clearly optional and it does trigger some very negative reactions.

Friday, November 8, 2013

Vibes and Toys - A Tantra Taboo

Okay, after yesterday's historical digression, I'm going to go back to variations on the Tantric theme.  When I began interviewing experienced Tantrics, I didn't know what to expect.  I didn't even know if there would be general agreement on the basic outlines of the Tantric ritual, and was a little surprised that most people stuck fairly close to the same general plan of action.  

On the other hand, there are some things the gurus say so forcefully that you expect most people to go along with them, so it's always interesting when they don't.  And on no subject did the "just folks" ignore the "experts" more than the topic of sex toys!

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Same Sex Tantra

One of the most obvious variations on tantra is not age, or weight, or disability, but changing the number or gender of the people involved.  This has historically been a problem for a lot of Westerners interested in Tantra, because the initial teachers of Tantra in the West were mostly men from extremely traditional and homophobic societies like India.  

These gurus insisted that tantra, to be spiritually sound, MUST involve a man and a woman, because the spiritual energy supposedly created through tantric sex must come from the polarity of male and female, yin and yang, sky and earth.  How could one celebrate the mystical union of Shakti and Shiva with two Shaktis?  Or three Shivas?  Or two Shaktis and three Shivas?

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Tantra with Physical Limitations

One common problem that comes up while learning Tantra is that not all of us are shaped alike or have the same capabilities, and sometimes that requires some adjustments. The couples I talked to faced a variety of challenges and came up with a number of creative solutions that I’d like to share with you.

Accommodating Long Refractory Periods

One of the most common effects of age for most men is a gradual increase in the time it takes to recover after one ejaculatory orgasm before they can get another erection and resume sexual activity. If this so-called “refractory period” is typically more than two or three hours, the couple will normally have to choose when during the Tantric ritual the man will have his one-and-only ejaculatory orgasm.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Variations on a Theme

I’ve decide to postpone doing a mini-history of the origins of Tantra, as well as the write-ups of the interviews, since both are longish and will take me some prep time. So the theme for the next couple of posts is going to be the differences in how my interview couples arranged their Tantric rituals and how they adapted Tantra to suit their needs, limitations, and preferences.

Scheduling Alternatives

Not everyone is able to make as much time for Tantra as they would like. Several couples have to skimp on the preliminary meditation and severely limit the full-body massage in the interest of time. They start with lingam and yoni massages and proceed from there without a break. All say they much prefer to take more time, and do so whenever they can.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Upcoming topics

Coming Up

I'll be back to blogging on Tuesday.  In the meantime, give some thought to what you'd like to hear about next.  Some of the items on my list are
  • Origins:  what we think we know about the history and pre-history of Tantra
  • Introducing the Tantric couples:  excerpts from the interviews
  • Variations:  what some of the couples I interviewed did differently.
  • Multiple orgasms for men:  how to learn how to do it.
  • Enduring passion:  how long-term couples use Tantra to maintain desire
  • Bonding:  the evolutionary basis for the Tantric bonding effect
If you want to vote for one of those topics to have top priority, or there are other topics you'd like me to address, or you have any questions about what I've written so far, stick a note in the comments down below, or email me at shaktiamarantha@gmail.com.

Thanks, and good loving!

Shakti

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Tantric Couples: Intoxicated by Love

In yesterday’s post, I said that none of my couples thought better orgasms outranked the importance of emotional bonding.  However, that doesn’t mean that better, longer, stronger orgasms are just a frill that is irrelevant to the bonding process. We’ve discussed oxytocin and its twin, vasopressin, but we need to go back and revisit two important classes of brain chemicals. Remember this? 
  • Phenethylamine, endorphins, and endocannabinoids block pain and increase pleasure; they’re literally intoxicating – when they flood the brain, we get high.

Friday, November 1, 2013

Pair Bonding's Emotional Effects

Just for the record, I am oversimplifying the biochemistry here. For starters, as I mentioned earlier, there are two very similar chemicals involved, oxytocin and vasopressin. Oxytocin is believed to have the dominant role in humans, but the verdict on that is still out, and a variant gene for vasopressin receptors in the brain may be the reason some men have difficulties forming secure attachments. In general, when I say “oxytocin,” I mean “oxytocin and/or vasopressin.”

I am also simplifying the effects of these chemicals, which are often somewhat indirect, since they trigger the release of other chemicals, including dopamine, endorphins, and endocannabinoids in a chemical cascade that has some interesting effects. (If you are curious, Google away. This has become a hot topic in recent years, and there’s a lot of good info out there, along with the usual distortions and exaggerations.)